There are several things that may cause a disruption during our team meetings. We can call them “communication blockers” and they may attack in doles which makes them more powerful and disruptive. The most common are:
When I may be seen as being "over"?
The most common “overs” are: over rationalizing, being over emotional, overgeneralizing, and over detailing.
Overgeneralizing is when the person simplifies things too much or is treating the past events as unavoidable happening in the future. The words which may make us be seen as overgeneralizing are “always”, “never”. Those words are being seen as aggressive.
When someone starts their sentence with: “Why do you ALWAYS…” or “You NEVER…” – you kind of know there is gonna be a fight… “Why did you…. THIS TIME” or “THIS TIME you haven’t…” – don’t sound that aggressive, why?
When we are using a generalization like “always” or “never”, the addressed person may feel predetermined, inevitable, and powerless. This takes away some of the freedom that the other person has. Plus it’s ineffective because there ALWAYS be this “one time” when the person behaved differently, so your argumentation will be neglected.
A: "You never pick up your socks from the floor!" -> overgeneralization
B: "That's not true, I've picked my socks up last week!"
A: "Ok, that was one pair, and what about the rest?!"
B: "That doesn't matter, I've picked them up once so I'm right and you're wrong!" -> redefinition
The moment you use the word “always” or “never” in your argumentation – you lose. It’s not worth it.
Over detailing.
Going into the details is not “objectively wrong”, it may be useful to have in your team a person who is able to pick up the inconsistency and dig deeper. This is a very valid skill. Used regardless of the need or context may become a communication blocker and a waste of time.
Being rational is a valid skill as well. Very useful in keeping us on the ground and concentrated on the most important matter. It can hamstring creativity, so it’s worth learning how to let it go in some context. Brainstorming sessions are one of the examples when we shouldn’t be too rational (in their first part). Allow others to bring all the ideas to the table without discounting them, that will help to build a “safe” and creative space for speaking up. Sometimes we need to say “the obvious” out loud to be able to open our minds and dig deeper.
Being over-emotional may have a few flavors: reacting aggressively, being sulk, and sometimes showing “too much excitement”.
Aggressive reaction and being sulk are most usually the result of “taking things too personally”. When our idea is being discussed some of us may feel personally attacked, either because we are (for e.g. the person who is dismissing the idea is actually attacking us instead of the idea) or because we do care about the idea deeply and really believe in it. It may be hard to learn how to be “emotionally detached” from our ideas and at the same time stay “fully engaged” in defending them, it’s an art that’s worth learning.
Why do we need to control our emotions at work?
When one shows “too radical” emotions at work “too often” one may be taken as “too much” and yes, unfortunately, we may even be seen as too positive! It really depends on the culture we work in. It’s difficult to “bring our true self” to work and at the same time not to react in our “normal way”. It almost feels unfair. It actually is “normal” when we live and work in groups and teams and tribes. Practicing our self-awareness and emotional intelligence may help us to recognize and manage our emotions at work and create a more “professional” appearance while staying honest to our true selves.
